Niflheim Dispatch

Isn't it nice to know that some people enjoy marching to the beat of a drum that only they can hear inside their head (along with voices that tell them to murder small animals, no doubt)?

Well, if you said "yes" to that, you should visit Stormark and applaud Thorald The "Wise" for his anti-gay sentiment as posted in the Althing. To sum up: he says that the King of Valencia has issues with morality because the King is apparently pro-gay. Didn't we take the leap out of the dark ages of thought already? I suppose some of us haven't.

Ok - so you're probably part of the majority who feel that "being yourself" is the way to go, right? Like walking your own path is better than being sheeple? Guess again, buttholes. Let me lay some truth on you.

Remember that smelly kid in school, who never washed his hair, had no friends and once pissed in the sink at that party he wasn't invited to? That's you, without peer pressure. A study conducted at the University of Virginia showed that people who were exposed to peer pressure around the ages of 12 and 13 turned out to be way more well-adjusted than the ones who weren't. They better understood the need to accommodate and make compromises when confronted with social pressure, rather than the "I'll just take my ball and go home" attitude they adopt otherwise.

The kids who were taught to be themselves no matter what didn't become walking clones of James Dean. They actually turned out less engaged, socially challenged and statistically less intelligent, their GPAs dropping almost an entire letter grade. So we're talking a slightly improved version of someone with half a brain missing, and the other half being fueled with ethanol.

Maybe more importantly, when you actually give a damn about how people view you, it develops a skill of reading the most subtle changes in people's emotional states, leading ultimately to a heightened sense of empathy. In this socially awkward age of the Internet, it turns out peer pressure at the right time can basically give you superpowers.

EMPATHY...someone needs to learn what that word means. And I'm not saying you should let someone raunch you up the poo-shooter so you can "feel their pain (read: pleasure)", but still - bigotry is bad, mmkay? And intolerance...yeah intolerance is bad, mmkay? /mr mackay voice

Thorald: just for kicks, I am going to be intolerant of your intolerance. You are a foul person, and I prefer something less stinky...like the inside of a dead skunk's arse.

So you might be thinking that I am being silly about this, right? Wrong. If you think that, you're wrong because I must be right... That's the kinda thinking that got us here, huh? Well, screw it. Anyway - the current tally as a result of Thorald's closed-minded attitude towards gays:

• Valencia has pretty much banned him

• Natopia has resurrected an organisation that fights for gay rights

• Universalis has joined with Natopia in this, and are now drafting a friggin TREATY about it

• Universalis has also decided to create specific laws banning this sort of behavior

• Poor Björn Ironfist has been PMed or IMed by a half dozen people, asking - in essence - WTF?

Let's try to play nice. Freedom of speech is grand...but to me, that means you can say "I don't like gays", not "Gay people are immoral". That goes from an opinion to a judgment...and NOBODY has the right to judge another. Well...except a judge in a court-thingy...but that's not what we're on about here...stay focused!!

Stormark is a secular nation...look up the word "secular" and then get back to me on what you think it means, Thorald. Does it mean that we should be using religious bias as a means for denying a nation the simple act of recognition and our hands in friendship? Doesn't whatever religion you adhere to tell you that you should love others, and use your kindness as an example, instead of bigotry, intolerance, book-burning, cross-burning, and bong-burning? (wait...that last one is actually ok...)

The point I am trying to make is: human rights are universal. We all have the right to be who we are, without fear of persecution. Do unto others, as the saying goes. Would you like it if someone made it their mission to point out ALL the insane stuff you do - or how you plagiarize nearly everything military-related that you've done - or the way that almost nothing you do lends anyone to believe you are "wise", even in the loosest sense of the word? No...I don't think you'd like that at all.

Hello, good people of THE Viking Empire! My name is Skálphæna Ørlygrsdottir, and the wise Björn Ironfist has had the foresight to hire me as a reporter for the Dispatch. While he will continue to report on the news of the day, you can expect from me all the gossipy goodness - with my personal guarantee not to hold back or sugar coat the truth as I see it. Now without further gilding the lily:

Are We Being Snuffed???
Since His Most Imperial and Royal Majesty sent his Deputy Lord Warden to The Outland into the world in order to futher pursue and secure out foreign relations, things have gone rather well. With two exceptions: The Kingdoms of Livlandia and Amokolia. Both nations were sent official communiques on the 15th of Gladsheim (6 November); and aside from a comment in Livlandia about the Deputy Lord Warden's avatar image, neither nation have responded in any official capacity. While a lapse of a few days - perhaps even a week, can be understood and excused - it has now been over a fortnight with no replies! While the Goverment itself has no official opinion on the matter, this reporter would like to say that such behavior kinda sucks.

YAY!!! Stormark Gains a Couple of New Princesses! (/sarcasm)

During his Transformation Day Address on the 24th of Gladsheim (15 November), our noble (and possibly inebriated) Emperor decided it would be great fun to drop a couple more Royals into our collective laps. After making mention of the many (read: VERY many) women he's had the pleasure of bedding, the Emperor stated the following:

There is also another very special lady who very recently came into my life. It is my Beloved Daughter, Æsileif, and I have a surprise for her. I hereby induct this dignified Lady into the House of Ettlingar Freyu and she shall from this day forth be known as Viking Princess Æsileif, Imperial Princess of Gimsøya. The same shall apply to her mother who shall from this day forth be known as Viking Princess Geirbjörg, Imperial Princess of Tjeldøya.

So hooray for us! While I haven't seen much of the Princess Geirbjörg - aside from some paintings and such - I HAVE seen a bit of the Princess Æsileif. She showed up, started spewing on about how she was the Emperor's daughter and all...starts playing the victim and trying to make people both hate her and feel sorry for her at the same time...THEN gets what she wanted all along - brought into the Imperial Household, and ennobled. Hmm...I should check my geneology - maybe the Emperor nailed my mom back in the day, too! In any event, all hail the new Princesses...or something.

I would like to add that it didn't take long for the great (and randy) Björn Ironfist to start panting after Æsileif (she wasn't a Princess yet) as soon as she arrived. Granted, he showed interest in her BEFORE she became a Princess - but now that she's got what she wants, I honestly don't see that whole situation going well for Master Ironfist. The Princess was pretty unbearable prior to her Title-snagging. I shudder to think what she'd be like now!

We've had a few exciting things happen for the Empire lately. Most of the news deals with Foreign Affairs, but that is due to change here shortly with a lot of internal things happening, as well. But for the moment, let's take a look at what's been going on.

For starters; Stormark has recently opened a new Embassy in the Koninkrijk Batavië! You can see the post on the Batavian Forum HERE, which includes an image of the new building, as well as a short speech by the Ambassador-at-Large.

Continuing the Foreign Affairs news, the Bill to adopt the Treaty with the Nederlanden has passed through the Althing with 9 For, 0 Against, and 0 Abstentions. It is now awaiting Imperial Assent to become official.

There is also a Treaty of Mutual Recognition and Friendship between Stormark and Valencia up for debate. It's likely that the treaty will meet with no resistance, but it's nice to let the law-makers play Legislation-opoly...keeps 'em happy.

In news related to the Dispatch, I have recently hired a young lady who will be added as a Columnist. Her specialty deals with the less official and more interestingly back stage antics of our people. Nobody is held sacred in her eyes, and all news is good news. It may also be worth mentioning that while she writes for this paper, our new Columnist is not a citizen of Stormark; she is an ex-pat currently living the good life in some remote part of Natopia.

The Althing has been keeping itself busy of late. In addition to one new law and a resolution being passed, they are currently working on four other items.

Most Recent Ratifications:

The Commonwealth Court Bill; which ratifies the Small Commonwealth's desire to establish a new Commonwealth Court. This bill passed through the Althing (after a couple of deferments) with a final vote of 5 For, 0 Against, and 2 Abstentions. You may view the bill, as well as read the debate and voting here.


Consent for Kejserinna Asa Land and Port Chloe Land Trade: This is being done as a gesture of friendship and amicability toward the Technocracy of Universalis, who wish to re-inhabit their historical lands. This resolution passed with 8 For, and none against or abstaining. You can check out the resolution, as well as the debate and voting here.



Currently on the agenda, we have:

The Sacred Lands Bill: Proposed by Astrid of Valois; this bill is intended to replace the older "Venerable Terrestrials Act of 2005". You can read up on the progress of the debate here.

Subdivisions Nicknames Bill: Proposed by Astrid of Valois; this bill will bring forth official nicknames for the various subdivisions within Stormark. Catch up on how this is coming along by clicking here.

Small Treaty of Non-Aggression: Proposed by Björn Ironfist on behalf of The Ministry of Foreign Affairs; this is the ratification of a standardized Treaty of Non-Aggression as put forth by the Small Commonwealth. The Treaty and debate can be read here.

Recognition and Friendship Treaty With The Republiek der Nederlanden: Proposed by Björn Ironfist on behalf of The Ministry of Foreign Affairs. This is the ratification of a basic Treaty with our friends in The Republiek der Nederlanden. The Treaty, and debate can be seen here.

We are hopeful that this publication will serve as a home for all the newsworthy and politically stimulating tidbits available from the Viking Empire of Stormark. If you have anything that you would like to see here, or to submit news (we will accept news from all SC members), please feel free to contact me via Stormark's Forums.